You know what I realized today?
It's been a while since I graced you all with my how-to knowledge! We all know there is too much going on in the world to know how to do it all without a little help! Last April I was nice enough in this post to tell you how to do uber tough things like do your laundry and paint your toenails. You sure are lucky to have me! Since then I've even given more advice like how to look hot no matter what, how to trick your man, how to stay on top of your blog, and how to catch a mate. These were all great, I admit, but I don't feel like I've quite reached my full how-to potential! So here you go, girls, a bunch of stuff that I know you are just dying to know!
HOW TO:
Get people to give you the birdie on the freeway
Pull right in front of them in traffic
Be talking on your phone in the fast lane
Honk at them
Act totally oblivious to the fact that there are other drivers on the road.
HOW TO:
Go shopping
Drive to the mall.
Make sure you have a credit card with you.
The higher the spending limit is on your card, the better.
If someone besides you is paying the credit card, EVEN BETTER!
Try on shirts.
And pants.
If they look sexy on you and are reasonably priced, buy them.
P.S. Reasonable is very subjective. So just go ahead and buy it.
HOW TO:
Go shopping and not buy anything.
Drive to the mall.
Forget your credit card at home.
HOW TO:
Be the first in your family to know when someone is preggers.
Live in your mom's basement.
Hear her talk on the phone on Sunday nights.
OOPS!
HOW TO:
Stay skinny
Eat fruits and veggies
OR
Eat candy once a day and nothing else.
OR
Get a gym pass
OR
Have a job where you run around like a chicken with its head cut off
OR
Laugh at everything anybody ever says
OR
Love up on your hubby
OR
Any combination of the above.
HOW TO:
Get 17 year olds to hate your guts
Tell them to get their butts out of bed in the morning and get to your class on time.
Tell them you don't care that they were absent, the assignment is still late.
Tell them you're not going to take their s$@! anymore.
HOW TO:
Get 17 year olds to love your guts
Laugh at their jokes.
Tell them you think they are smart.
Let them have a read-a-thon where they come in their pjs with pillows and blankets and read on the floor all class period.
Buy them doughnuts every once in a while.
Laugh with them when someone rips one in class.
HOW TO:
Be miserable
Be a Utah Jazz fan.
HOW TO:
Suddenly feel like your really awesome life is actually incredibly lame
Look at other people's vacation pictures on facebook
Look at the homes people your own age are buying on facebook.
Look at the babies people your own age are having on facebook.
HOW TO:
Get in a really bad mood very quickly
Read political posts on facebook
Get involved in political posts on facebook.
Have your candidate lose.
Read any article having anything to do with politics after an election.
Hear about how awful your candidate is.
Hear about how great the other candidate is.
Have dreams that everyone has to cast votes again because there was a mistake the first time and your guy still has a chance of winning.
HOW TO:
Snap out of politicial bad mood
Remember you live in America
And have the right to vote
And are incredibly blessed no matter who the president is.
HOW TO:
Cure baby hunger
Hang out with a baby with a stinky diaper.
HOW TO:
Make yourself hungry
Look at Instagram
HOW TO:
Get rid of stress
Take a hot bubble bath.
Go shopping.
Call your sister. Or your friend.
Write a list of all your blessings.
Buy someone flowers.
Pray.
Say thank you.
Kiss.
Drink hot chocolate
and if all else fails...
Take a nap until the storm is over!
Now it's your turn! Give me your best how to! Besides winning my complete respect, the three bloggers with the best how to in the comment section will be highlighted on Life of Bon tomorrow with a link to their blogs. Come on chicas, HOW TO it up!
P.S.... Don't forget to enter yesterday's giveaway. That bad boy is on fire! And you can earn extra entries every day you tweet about it.
It's been a while since I graced you all with my how-to knowledge! We all know there is too much going on in the world to know how to do it all without a little help! Last April I was nice enough in this post to tell you how to do uber tough things like do your laundry and paint your toenails. You sure are lucky to have me! Since then I've even given more advice like how to look hot no matter what, how to trick your man, how to stay on top of your blog, and how to catch a mate. These were all great, I admit, but I don't feel like I've quite reached my full how-to potential! So here you go, girls, a bunch of stuff that I know you are just dying to know!
HOW TO:
Get people to give you the birdie on the freeway
Pull right in front of them in traffic
Be talking on your phone in the fast lane
Honk at them
Act totally oblivious to the fact that there are other drivers on the road.
HOW TO:
Go shopping
Drive to the mall.
Make sure you have a credit card with you.
The higher the spending limit is on your card, the better.
If someone besides you is paying the credit card, EVEN BETTER!
Try on shirts.
And pants.
If they look sexy on you and are reasonably priced, buy them.
P.S. Reasonable is very subjective. So just go ahead and buy it.
HOW TO:
Go shopping and not buy anything.
Drive to the mall.
Forget your credit card at home.
HOW TO:
Be the first in your family to know when someone is preggers.
Live in your mom's basement.
Hear her talk on the phone on Sunday nights.
OOPS!
HOW TO:
Stay skinny
Eat fruits and veggies
OR
Eat candy once a day and nothing else.
OR
Get a gym pass
OR
Have a job where you run around like a chicken with its head cut off
OR
Laugh at everything anybody ever says
OR
Love up on your hubby
OR
Any combination of the above.
HOW TO:
Get 17 year olds to hate your guts
Tell them to get their butts out of bed in the morning and get to your class on time.
Tell them you don't care that they were absent, the assignment is still late.
Tell them you're not going to take their s$@! anymore.
HOW TO:
Get 17 year olds to love your guts
Laugh at their jokes.
Tell them you think they are smart.
Let them have a read-a-thon where they come in their pjs with pillows and blankets and read on the floor all class period.
Buy them doughnuts every once in a while.
Laugh with them when someone rips one in class.
HOW TO:
Be miserable
Be a Utah Jazz fan.
HOW TO:
Suddenly feel like your really awesome life is actually incredibly lame
Look at other people's vacation pictures on facebook
Look at the homes people your own age are buying on facebook.
Look at the babies people your own age are having on facebook.
HOW TO:
Get in a really bad mood very quickly
Read political posts on facebook
Get involved in political posts on facebook.
Have your candidate lose.
Read any article having anything to do with politics after an election.
Hear about how awful your candidate is.
Hear about how great the other candidate is.
Have dreams that everyone has to cast votes again because there was a mistake the first time and your guy still has a chance of winning.
HOW TO:
Snap out of politicial bad mood
Remember you live in America
And have the right to vote
And are incredibly blessed no matter who the president is.
HOW TO:
Cure baby hunger
Hang out with a baby with a stinky diaper.
HOW TO:
Make yourself hungry
Look at Instagram
HOW TO:
Get rid of stress
Take a hot bubble bath.
Go shopping.
Call your sister. Or your friend.
Write a list of all your blessings.
Buy someone flowers.
Pray.
Say thank you.
Kiss.
Drink hot chocolate
and if all else fails...
Take a nap until the storm is over!
Now it's your turn! Give me your best how to! Besides winning my complete respect, the three bloggers with the best how to in the comment section will be highlighted on Life of Bon tomorrow with a link to their blogs. Come on chicas, HOW TO it up!
P.S.... Don't forget to enter yesterday's giveaway. That bad boy is on fire! And you can earn extra entries every day you tweet about it.
