I once heard someone say that there is much more equality in human suffering than we realize. That no one is spared. That everyone is tried at some point, at some time, in some way.
I don't know if I agree. I would like to agree. Heavens knows I would like to believe that my suffering is neither greater nor less than the suffering of those around me. That it all evens out in the end.
But I guess that I have a hard time believing this when I read my students' journals. One prompt they were supposed to answer was, "What's the most difficult thing you've ever been through?"
Students poured their hearts out to me.
One student openly told me of when he "came out", and the bullying that has ensued in his life ever since- the threats, the sneers, the jabs.
One student told me of her father who committed suicide.
One student wrote about being forced to live with his mom's abusive boyfriend for four years and wanting to leave so bad, but being trapped there because his mom was so broke she couldn't afford to move anywhere else.
One student wrote about her experience taking her parents to the hospital because of alcohol poisioning.
One student told me of a deformity she has had since birth, and how throughout her life other students have tormented and teased her, mercilessly calling her ugly.
One student confessed to me that she was raped by her cousin and is now pregnant, but too afraid to tell anyone.
Then, there are other entries.
One athlete said the hardest thing he ever went through was football practice every day at 8 am in the summer.
Another admitted that not having a girl crush him back was his biggest trial.
And one girl. One girl told me her most difficult experience was when she went with her family on a cruise and couldn't have her cell phone for a week.
How can I read these entries and truly believe that there is equality in human suffering? How can I look at my students and see the ones who struggle so much, who are faced with unspeakable trials, and hold them accountable on the same level as those who have had easy, cushy, comfortable lives.
I admit, that when my dad died I was mad. Mad at people who have never suffered. In an instant I was admitted to the club that no one wants to be in- the club of those who have lost loved ones. I couldn't help but look around at the people in my life and wonder why it had to happen to me. Why do I, who have honestly tried my hardest to honestly be a good person, have to suffer this enormous grief when there are so many awful people out there who live easy, griefless lives.
Even now, I grimace when I hear people say things like, "Yah, I'm lucky. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me." I wonder what they are trying to prove by saying this. That God loves them more? Or are they just being insensitve? Insensitive because they have yet to acquire the sensitivity that comes with immense grief and heartache?
As I look at my students and know of their trials and their struggles, I can't help but pray that God has it all figured out. That there really is equality in human suffering like the say, and that He hasn't just dealt some a bad hand, while stacking others with nothing but Aces.
All I know for certain is this. I've got some questions for the Big Guy next time I see him.
I don't know if I agree. I would like to agree. Heavens knows I would like to believe that my suffering is neither greater nor less than the suffering of those around me. That it all evens out in the end.
But I guess that I have a hard time believing this when I read my students' journals. One prompt they were supposed to answer was, "What's the most difficult thing you've ever been through?"
Students poured their hearts out to me.
One student openly told me of when he "came out", and the bullying that has ensued in his life ever since- the threats, the sneers, the jabs.
One student told me of her father who committed suicide.
One student wrote about being forced to live with his mom's abusive boyfriend for four years and wanting to leave so bad, but being trapped there because his mom was so broke she couldn't afford to move anywhere else.
One student wrote about her experience taking her parents to the hospital because of alcohol poisioning.
One student told me of a deformity she has had since birth, and how throughout her life other students have tormented and teased her, mercilessly calling her ugly.
One student confessed to me that she was raped by her cousin and is now pregnant, but too afraid to tell anyone.
Then, there are other entries.
One athlete said the hardest thing he ever went through was football practice every day at 8 am in the summer.
Another admitted that not having a girl crush him back was his biggest trial.
And one girl. One girl told me her most difficult experience was when she went with her family on a cruise and couldn't have her cell phone for a week.
How can I read these entries and truly believe that there is equality in human suffering? How can I look at my students and see the ones who struggle so much, who are faced with unspeakable trials, and hold them accountable on the same level as those who have had easy, cushy, comfortable lives.
I admit, that when my dad died I was mad. Mad at people who have never suffered. In an instant I was admitted to the club that no one wants to be in- the club of those who have lost loved ones. I couldn't help but look around at the people in my life and wonder why it had to happen to me. Why do I, who have honestly tried my hardest to honestly be a good person, have to suffer this enormous grief when there are so many awful people out there who live easy, griefless lives.
Even now, I grimace when I hear people say things like, "Yah, I'm lucky. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me." I wonder what they are trying to prove by saying this. That God loves them more? Or are they just being insensitve? Insensitive because they have yet to acquire the sensitivity that comes with immense grief and heartache?
As I look at my students and know of their trials and their struggles, I can't help but pray that God has it all figured out. That there really is equality in human suffering like the say, and that He hasn't just dealt some a bad hand, while stacking others with nothing but Aces.
All I know for certain is this. I've got some questions for the Big Guy next time I see him.
