Happy Anniversary... And how to not kill each other the first year

March 12, 2011.

The day Hubs and I finally sealed the deal.

I know it's cliche, but seriously, can you even BELIEVE how fast a year flies by?  Half of the time I sit here staring at Hubs and think "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

I guess I've learned a thing a two in my marriage adventure.  And you know me, always wanting to share my wisdom with others, I decided to celebrate my anniversary by sharing a few marriage tips.  So buckle up chicas, you're about to learn how to not only survive, but thrive in that first year of matrimony.

1.  You're not always right.  It was a weird day when I realized that I believed something 100% and Hubs believed something else 100% and neither of us were right or wrong, we just believed differently.  The ever present urge to insist that you are right about a certain subject is poison to a marriage.  POISON, I TELL YOU! 

2.  If you're mad/upset/ frustrated, go to sleep.  I know there is the old adage that says "Never go to bed angry" but for Hubs and me, when we try to solve problems late at night it just snowballs into more problems and more disagreements.  The best thing I ever did for me and Hubs was to just go to bed, sleep it off, go to work the next day, and then come home with a clear head to discuss the problem.  Somehow it doesn't seem nearly the "problem" after you've been able to step away from the problem and think about other things all day long.

3.  Say sorry, even if you think you're right.   Saying sorry is not an admission that you are wrong, only an admission that you feel sorry that you have hurt the other's feelings.  Both Hubs and I are sensitive little guys so it definitely can never hurt to be quick to say sorry.

4.  Money doesn't matter.  Don't let that become a major issue in your marriage.  Spend less than you earn, save for a rainy day, and then don't think about it.  I have spent way too much time worrying about budgets, finances, student loans, etc, etc, etc.  When it comes down to it we have food in our stomachs, a place to live, and we have each other. 

5.  Hold hands.  Hubs always holds my hand in public.  If he doesn't, I grab his.  It's interesting what such a small gesture will do- it makes you feel loved, secure, protected. 

6.  If something is bothering you, talk about it.  If it is important to you, then you have to realize that it will be important to your spouse, as well.  Keeping feelings in is only going to result in resentment and one day you're going to explode, girlie, you're just going to explode and that ain't gonna be pretty for any of us to watch.  That being said...

7.  Pick your battles.  Not EVERYTHING needs to be discussed and you don't need to go to the mattresses over every little issue.  Let some things slide.  If you can think to yourself "Is this going to matter in a month?" and the answer is no, then it's probably best to just let that one go.

8.  Do things to surprise each other.  Nothing makes me happier than when Hubs unexpectedly unloads the dishwasher, has dinner ready for me, or buys me my favorite candy bar.  Little things that make the other know that you are thinking about them and can mean alot.  And if you're reading here thinking, "Well, freak, my husband/boyfriend/lover never does any of that stuff for me!" just remember this one word- Karma.  It'll come back to you, I promise.  He'll see your efforts and want to reciprocate.

9.   Be there when the other experiences a great loss/ disappointment/ heartache.  Hubs has been there to hug me and let me cry when I have missed my dad, when I didn't get a job I desperately wanted, when my uncle passed away.  I've been there for him when he didn't get coveted roles in plays, experienced disappointment with friends, and failed biology (Oops!  Sorry Hubs, I didn't mean to let that one slide! )  You've got to stick by their side, no matter the grief or frustration they are experiecing.

10.  Kiss!  Every day.  My dad once told everyone in our church to make sure to kiss for at least ten seconds a day no matter how long you've been married.  Kissing couples stay married and that's the truth.

That's one year in the books.  Here's to 100 more!